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Substance Abuse in the Jewish
Family
by Rabbi Joel Dinnerstein, M.S.W., M.S., N.C.A.C.
Chana was in despair. Several evenings a week, her father would come home
drunk. He would break furniture, throw ashtrays at mirrors,
and would then
sit down and fall asleep on the couch.
Sara was desperate. Her husband, who used to drink on weekends, was now
staying home every night guzzling several six packs of beer.
He would
become abusive and violent and would often beat her. She needed to spend
many nights at the battered women's shelter.
Shlomo's wife began drinking a "Bloody Mary" after getting the children
off to school. Little by little, her drinking increased throughout the
day. She stopped maintaining the house, neglected to pay bills, and could
not provide care for their children when they returned home
from school.
Family life, friendships, social relationships and employment all began to
suffer.
Chana, Sara and Shlomo all have tried to cope with having a alcoholic
family member. They found they were powerless over the
alcoholic's
drinking behavior. Visits to rabbis, family counselors, and talks with
friends all provided little help or understanding.
In each case, the alcoholic family member became obsessed with alcohol. As
the addiction grew, the compulsion to drink increased. The
only hope for
recovery would lie in the recognition of their drinking problem and a
sincere desire to stop drinking. Alcoholism is treatable,
and many
programs are available to the alcoholic who is ready to recover.
Alcoholism disrupts the home and accounts directly or indirectly for at
least 50 percent of the cases brought to family court.
Between 30 and 40 percent of the youths in trouble with the law or school
authorities come from alcoholic homes. Currently, more
than 65 percent of
the people in state prisons have alcohol or drug problems.
Families suffer the Most
When alcoholism strikes, the alcoholic is not the only one to suffer.
While friends and co-workers endure much of the pain and
suffering caused
by this disease, it is within the closeness of the family that alcoholism
crates the greatest difficulties and the most turmoil.
Alcoholism has been called the most serious drug problem in terms of the
number of victims and cost to society. It is estimated that
some 100
million people over the age of 15 drink in this country. But what about
help for the troubled family members who become
sick emotionally,
psychologically, and sometimes even physically as a result of living in an
alcoholic situation?
Family members become obsessed with watching the alcoholic's behavior and
experience increased anxiety as a result of the uncertainty
and
unpredictability of being in a close personal relationship with someone
suffering from this addictive disease.
As the alcoholic continues to lose control of normal functioning, anger
and resentment are prominent emotions caused by the frustration
of living
with someone who cannot maintain his responsibilities.
Family members frequently become depressed, angry, frustrated, confused
and as much in need of treatment as the alcoholic himself.
The unwritten rule for the family is not to talk about the problem to
anyone outside the home. This only further isolates the family and
the
alcoholic from seeking help.
And because of the aspect of denial surrounding alcoholism, family members
are themselves often unaware that they have begun to
exhibit behaviors
that prevent them from experiencing deep satisfaction in their own lives.
Characteristics of family members living with alcoholics include
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an inordinate need for control
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an over developed sense of responsibility
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chronic lack of trust denial of feelings
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a sense of inadequacy that children of alcoholics tragically they carry
into adulthood.
According to numerous studies
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the children of alcoholics or other high risk people develop chronic
patterns of emotional instability
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approximately half of the children of alcoholics become alcoholics
themselves.
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children of alcoholics often develop certain specific and predictable
characteristics that should serve as a warning sign
to seek help for themselves as well.
The home is not the only place where alcoholism interferes. If problems at
the work work place are a result of drinking, then drinking
must be
treated or productivity and the individual's usefulness will be impaired.
Between 6 and 10 percent of employees have
alcohol problems. Nationally,
the total cost is nearly $45 billion a year due to absenteeism, health and
welfare services, and property
damage as well as loss of production.
In order to be treated successfully, alcoholism must be viewed as a
complex, progressive disease that interferes with health, social
and
economic functioning and, if not treated, ends, with a few exceptions, in
physical incapacity, mental damage and premature death.
The alcoholic is
usually the last person to realize he has a drinking problem. Because of
the insidious nature of the disease, friends, relatives, co-workers and
employers often see the rapid deterioration long before the alcoholic
realizes or acknowledges the problem.
The good news is that alcoholism can be treated.
Recovery rates range from 65 to 85 percent in many programs in which
hundreds
of thousands of recovered alcoholics have participated. The
family's main defense against the impact of alcoholism is gaining
knowledge, support, and direction. To ensure the success of recovery,
counseling is imperative for both the alcoholics and
their family members.
Warning Signs
Among the warning signs for family members who may be in need of help are:
counting drinks, pouring liquor down the drain,
searching the house for
alcohol, listening for the sound of cans being opened, and just generally
becoming obsessed with another
person's drinking.
At the Ohr Ki Tov Center, a Florida based, national organization which
serves as a resource to the Jewish community, helps awaits
those who are
suffering from alcoholism, as well as their family members.
Our motto is, "The Family is our Patient."
We provide counseling and education to alcoholics and their families, and
offer hope and constant encouragement, utilizing the assistance
of the
many Jews already in recovery who reach out to those in need of help.
Also, there is Al-Anon, and Alcoholics Anonymous, two nationwide
organizations that help alcoholics and their loved ones, and which
are a
tremendous resource.
Help is always just a phone call away.
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